You - out there...YOU are the REAL stars!

Even as I type this post, the grandparents are winging their way across the Pacific ocean, no doubt enjoying the luxurious extra five inches of leg-room available with their economy-plus upgrade. Their return to Alberta is bad for us, but good for you, because it's time to announce the winner's of our first photo-caption contest...

301NIB would like to thank the thousands and thousands of viewers who submitted very funny captions. It was indeed a challenge to select a winner and five runners-up from such a vast ocean of emails, but our staff was up to the challenge. As we sifted through the submissions we noticed a surprising trend, almost every single one referenced my glutius maximus in some way. This is a little unusual, since it's really not my best feature (have you all forgotten about my fabulous hair?) And by the way - I was reaching for my wallet!

Fifth Runner-up:

"Krikey! I guess each fabric purchase also comes with a complimentary deep tissue massage!"

S. Irwin
Melbourne Australia

Fourth Runner-up:

"Mack Strate realizes even though he has just bought a bottle of "purified" water he will be spending the afternoon grunting at the Archives bathroom... KABLAAMO!"

Rock Star
Madison, Wisconsin

Third Runner-up:

"Shane is diappointed to learn that bottled mineral water will not cure the boils on his..."

Dr. Ian Wendt
Pullman, Washington

Second Runner-up:


"Shane's reaction to a friendly little pinch he encountered while at the market. (He seems to have forgotten his role as Ambassador from the West."

Kell-Kell
Madison, Wisconsin



First Runner-up*:



"So am I the only one who wants to squeeze this Alberta Prime Beef?"

Bill Heaven
Calgary, Alberta

*This was my personal choice for the grand prize winner (but I was over-ruled by the committee.) It reminds me of my old 'Where's the beef?' bumper sticker. Heh heh...where's the beef...

And...our Grand Prize winner:
"Hmmm, maybe if I don't make eye-contact, look slightly annoyed, AND scratch my butt, I can pick up 3 of these for the price of 1. If only shopping at Woodman's back in Madison took so much talent, they never truly appreciated my skills there. Ahhhh, Thailand, how I love thee, let me count the ways!"

Sandy Marquez
Madison, Wisconsin

It was hard to argue with a selection that managed to fit Shakespeare, Woodman's, Thailand, and my derriere, all in the same blurb? It was more a beautiful sonnet than a photo caption. This one had it all...

Congratulations to all the winners.

*301NIB prizes will only be awarded if and when they are over produced. Please allow 8 months for delivery.

Jake's Journal

My grampa and Grandma came for two weeks and a day. It was very fun. Here are the places we went. (I might not remember all the places we went so don't get mad at me.) We went to Poo-ket. There we did tons of things. Like Meg lost a tooth and we scuba dived, went to Monkey island. And dude (or dudette) let me tell you, the monkeys there are crazy, because I touched one and it tried to scratch and bite me. It was scary.



Then, when we got back to regular Thailand, we went to an elephant show. I got to take a picture with real live tigers, and that is like my dream come true!



Then we went to the elephant show. They started blowing everything up. It was awesome.



Peace out,
J-Dog

Let me go check with my manager...

Part of the fun of having my parents around is negotiating the prices for everything they want to purchase, or see, or do. They enjoy both the spectacle of watching me haggle with some vendor and feeling like they got a good price.

So, when we decided we wanted to go elephant trekking down in Phuket, it was up to me to find a travel place that could make the necessary arrangements. The travel desk in the hotel is reliable, but more expensive, so I walked out of the hotel and down the street to find a cheaper, slightly less predictable, establishment. There were at least two or three travel brokers on the little road leading to the Kamala Bay Gardens hotel, each with uniquely misspelled English names. My favorite was "Assome Travel," which I can only assume was mean to read 'Awesome Travel' (Or perhaps they just cater to Phuket's red-light district clientele).

I sat down on the faded-blue vinyl couch and began explaining exactly what I wanted: a short 30-minute tour through the jungle that would begin at precisely 8:30 the next morning. We had only one day left and we wanted to spend most of it at the beach, besides which we didn't want to be strapped to the back of an elephant under the mid-day Phuket sun. I already had a pamphlet from another establishment and suggested they arrange for us to go there, since I knew it was close to the hotel.
As soon as I was finished the performance began. These two travel 'agents' immediately began diverting me away from the place I wanted to go towards another place they recommended. The new place, they said, was much prettier, had much better jungle scenery complete with exotic flowers and animals, and was cheaper than the place I originally wanted to go. I could get an hour trek for about the same price as a half hour would cost me at the first place. I realized that they must get some type of referral fee for steering tourists towards this elephant trek establishment, but I had my doubts about the first place anyway. (How interesting could the jungle be if it was right off the main highway?) So, I threw in my lot with these two, we agreed on a price on 3800 baht, and after stressing that our trek had to take place tomorrow at 8:30 AM, I returned back to the hotel to discuss it with everyone else and get the money.

I returned to the office twenty minutes later, money in hand, to purchase my tickets. When I sat down they informed me that our arrangement had changed, I was booked for 10:30 AM instead of 8:30 AM. I responded that this wasn't acceptable. We wanted to spend the day on the beach, and were only interested in an elephant trek if it fit in our schedule. This met with some head-scratching and concerned looks. Alright, they said, we could go at 8:30 AM, but it would have to be at the location I originally suggested (the ugly one), and it would only be a half hour, and it would cost 4400 baht instead of 3800 baht.

Now, I'm used to dealing with the brazen antics of Thai snake-oil salesman, but this was amazingly bold even for them. I asked to explain why I would pay more money to spend less time visiting a less attractive site? They didn't have a good answer for this and so the price began going down. We finally agreed on a price of 3200 baht, which I felt was fair since it was 600 baht less than our original bargain, and 1200 baht less than what they wanted me to pay. I walked back to the hotel confident in the knowledge that I was not just another schmuck tourist who paid 'retail' for tour packages. Who did these guys think they were dealing with, trying to get 4400 baht out of me?

The next morning our mini-bus picked us up at the hotel and transported us to the elephant trek location. As soon as we arrived the 'tour guide' immediately steered us toward a bulletin board that listed the tour schedules. He explained that we should upgrade from a half hour to 45 minutes or an hour, since that would give us a much better chance of seeing the lush vegetation that the Phuket jungle had to offer. Apparently the sight of elephant walking out in the field and eating sugar cane captivated our party, because those who had previously only been interested in a half hour where now eager to upgrade for more time. The guide wanted 1200 baht to upgrade to 45 minutes, but we settled on one thousand (bringing the new package total to 4200 baht.) Having settled this, we set off on our excursion.

The pictures make it look far more exotic than the actual reality. Although some spots were quite picturesque, the overal tour had the feeling of wandering around someone's swampy backyard. I also began to think that the difference between the half hour tour and the 45 minute tour was that the elephants just took longer bathroom breaks. But, we were still in Phuket and trekking around on elephants, so who can complain?

When we returned to point of orgins and disembarked from the elephants, we saw that the staff had laid out pineapples for us to feed to the elephants. It was a nice way to end the tour, and the kids enjoyed watching the elephants use their trunks snatch pieces of pineapples out of their hands. Only after the fruit was all eaten up did the guide inform us that the 50 baht worth of pineapple they had laid out was now going to cost us 200 baht. It was such blatant exploitation and they did it so effortlessly that, as a former car salesman, I had to admire them.

So, once again....the negotiated tour price of 3200 baht + 1000 baht upgrade + 200 pineapple = 4400 baht. Somehow these travel office charlatans had managed to extract the exact amount they had wanted from the beginning.

As we rode back in the mini-bus, gone was my smug confidence in my street-smarts and negotiating ability. Instead, I felt like I had just paid full MSRP for a brand new KIA.

Skype-out!

The Man with the Golden Megaphone

On Wednesday we booked a tour of the Phi-Phi islands. This island group lies in between Phuket island and the mainland. It's the site of the famous James Bond movie and also Maya Beach, better known as 'The Beach'. It was quite the tour - completely with rowdy Aussies, glimmering tropical fish, and a guide who kept trying to tell lousy jokes through a blowhorn.


A shot of Jake riding up front with Tour Guide Bobby. Bobby has spent so much time with Aussi tourists that he speaks English (using Thai grammar) with an Australian accent. We couldn't understand a thing he said.

Grandma snorkeling off the coast of Phi-Phi Don island. (We're a long way from the Magrath co-op now...)

With the right motivation, Jake turned out to be a pretty good little snorkeler. We just dropped his gameboy into the water and told him he had to find it.


This is called Viking cave - probably named by all the Swedish tourists. The cave is full of swallow nests, which are harvested by people who live and work inside. Birdsnest soup is quite a delicacy in Southeast Asia. I'm not sure what it tastes like, (but the swallows themselves taste like chicken).


Looking for seashells on and island full of coral. If my dissertation doesn't pan out we plan to return here so I can fill my true calling - salvaging sunken barges for scrap iron.

"Steppin' on the beach...doodle-do-do-dooo..."

Isn't it amazing the way stereotypes sometimes DO hold up?

First: All California girls are natural-born surfers:


Second: All Canadian girls are not natural-born surfers:
Click here for a demonstration

Third: Jake likes to fall down:

The Island

We've returned from Phuket in body but our hearts are still back at Kamala Beach. It was like some beautiful movie where you're actually someone else's clone, living in paradise until the moment when your organs are harvested to improve the quality of life for your genetic twin. Unfortunately, we had to leave the tranquil blue waters of the Andaman sea and return to the industrial-sludge of the Chao Phrya river.

We picked up some bodyboards at a shop outside the hotel and the girls hit the surf. Despite her best efforts Grandma had a hard time keeping up with the California girl, but eventually she did catch a wave...(and we've got the video!)


Ten minutes after arriving on the beach Jake dug up some Scandanavian's sunglasses and wore them for the rest of the day. He had to take them off later after being attacked by a group of German women who mistook him for David Hasslehoff.


There are some who will undoubtedly remain skeptical, but I can assure you that the water at this beach really was that blue. After getting out of the water you just want to order a drink with an umbrella and start applying the aqua velva.

The view from the rocky coral cliffs of Egg island. We had to seek refuge here to escape the raucous partying of Bobby the Tour guide and about a dozen intoxicated Aussies. 

JAKE BEING JAKE

Jake was a little anxious to get down to Phuket and ride those waves, so he decided to start practicing at the airport.




I didn't hold the shot long enough to get his dismount - he landed on his head. But we think the extreme sport of escalator surfing has a strong future. We've been in contact with the X games, and there's definite interest in developing it as a competitive sport. Not that Jake would be interested...he's in it for the thrill of the surf, not the commercial stuff.

The Stockholm Syndrome

I'm sitting here in a Tailor shop/internet cafe, it's 11 AM and about 34 degrees celsius outside, but such is my commitment to this website that I'm willing to sweat it out to update our loyal viewers on our time down in Phuket. Unfortunately, pictures will have to wait until our return to Bangkok tomorrow night, but I can share an amusing anecdote with you...

We're staying on Kamala Beach at the Kamala Bay Gardens hotel on the west coast of Phuket island. We've discovered that this beach, and especially this hotel are a Scandinavian playground. There are Swedes everywhere, I think our family is the only one that does have anyone named Lars or Henrik. Last night we went to the hotel buffer for dinner, and the entertainment was 'A tribute to Disney'. I've never been to Sweden, but apparently they love watching Thais dancing around and lyp-sync-ing to Disney karaoke. Swedish culture is so fascinating to me.

So two nights ago we were in the hotel pool, which has a water slide and pool-side bar amd soccer nets on either side. Morg and Jake and I got into a physical game of pool-soccer. It got a little rowdy for a while, but we made a conscious effort avoid roughing up the Swedish kids nearby. Anyway, during one play I was tossing Morg around like the pink little water-wing he is - after dunking him under the water I turned around to fire the ball at the goal. Only after releasing the ball do I realize there's a 5-year old little Swedish girl sitting on the edge right next to the left goal post. The next few miliseconds were in slow motion, but of course the ball hit her right in the head and she fell crying into the pool.

After trying unsuccessfully to hide underwater for several seconds I went over to converse with the father who was now comforting his little girl. My heartfelt apologies were met with a 'go away' hand gesture and a look that said 'Haven't you done enough already?'

Yeah, well...what do you think will happe when you sit right next to the soccer net when people are playing for the championship of the universe? I thought Swedes were supposed to be the descendants of the Vikings. Where's the toughness that made all Europe shudder? Do you think Leaf Erickson would haver cried if he'd been hit in the head with a soccer ball? Do you think Eric the Red would have whined about someone kncking his kid into the pool? I don't know about the Swedes - all those indoor saunas and tasteful furniture has made them really soft. I'll bet that little girl wouldn't last five-minutes in a long boat out on the North sea.

They're just lucky it was a bunch of meek, mild-mannered Canadians playing in their pool. If it had been the Aussies she would be wearing an eye patch for the rest of her life.

Captioning the moments of our lives

Do you love the clever photo captions posted at 301NIB? Do you read the hilarious commentary posted on our site and find yourself giggling like a Venture Crew leader trying to tell a story about Hitler's brain? Well, now's your chance to create your own caption. Just write your own caption for the photo shown below and send it into our website. The funniest submission will appear on the website along with the photo as part of our sendoff on the Grandparent's day of departure. They will also receive a prize coveted by all mankind: a free 301NIB t-shirt!

Just write a hilarious caption for this photo...

...and send it into srstrate@gmail.com (along with a stamped, self-addressed envelope) and our 301nibstaff will evaluate and choose the winner. We will post the winning caption on Nov. 29th, along with four runners-up. Here it is, subscribers - your chance to participate in the magic and excitement that is 301NIB! So, get busy captioning...

Disclaimer: Prizes may or may not be awarded. If no subscribers participate, 301NIB reserves the right to create its own caption to be published under the names of make-believe people.

Walking the Eight Fold Path

We didn't plan anything for the first day, since we didn't know how jet-lagged the parents would be and we didn't want to overwhelm them. But thanks to a little friend called 'sleeping pills', they were both up for whatever adventure we had in store. So, I called up a contact in the transportation industry (I know a guy...) and we rented a 'rod-tuu' and we headed into Bangkok.

We wanted to start the day out by currying favor with the gods. So we headed off to the Thewet pier, bought a 20 baht bag of stale bread and fed the fish in the river. Then we had a nice lunch at 'S&P' restaurant, since the parents are only interested in 'authentic' Thai cuisine. When the van dropped us off in front of Wat Phrakaew, street vendors descended upon Morg like fisherman on a breakfast burrito. This one guy followed him for about ten minutes trying to sell a series of postcards.

The happy family in front of the golden stupa at Wat Phrakaew, the most sacred site in the Thai kingdom. The temple site has wall murals, statues, and a magnificent model of Angkor Wat, part of Thailand's attempt to solidify its claim as the true heirs to the great Khmer legacy.

After visiting the Grand Palace, we headed over to Wat Arun. The Temple of the Dawn is located on the Thon Buri side of the river, so we all piled on to the ferry. This is my favorite picture of the day, I just think it frames the water bottle so beautifully in front of the scenic backdrop.







We climbed up to the lower level of Wat Arun and admired the view. Realizing that a majority of the world's population is non-Christian can really challenge one's convictions. Here is Morg at his most introspective, pondering that great mystery of the universe - exactly how much will this vacation cost me?

Arrival Time

After a quick 26 hour flight, Grandma and Grandpa arrived at Suwannaphum international airport in Bangkok....then took another 26 hours find their luggage, getting through customers, and taking pictures of every single thing in the terminal. (Mom assures me she has some lovely photos of ceiling tiles and bathroom fixtures.) But that's one reason we love having them around, they love to see EVERYTHING!



The lovely couple in front of a statue of the guardian of Bangkok. Apparently, not even he could move them along fast enough for the airport staff.
















Their flight from Tokyo was delayed two hours, which meant I had a scant four hours to get re-acguainted with the airport. This gave me time to get a foot massage, so I was feeling quite reeeeelaxed for our happy reunion at 2 AM.









Gearing up for the taxi ride into Bangkok and then out again to Nichada Thani. We spent most of the time trying to convince Morg that we were in fact going West, not East. Even in Thailand, you can't turn off the man's travel-logue feature. He just feels the earth down in his bones.
Now that we're all here, what to do first? Wat Phrakeow? Wat Arun? Jungle tour? Floating market? The beach?


There will be time for all that, but as soon as the luggage zipped open a hockey game broke out.







Skype-out! 

Please feed the animals

I was in big trouble when I came home today.

Last night as I crammed a Cadbury Fruit-and-Nut bar into my gaping pie-hole, a tasty morsel of chocolate fell from the wrapper onto the table. Now it's customary in the Strate household to scan the dining area with a ultra-violet light so as to detect any leftover crumbs, crums which become an open invitation to unwanted guests. But since this sliver au chocolat somehow lodged under my laptop, it escaped our searchbeams. (It's a definite flaw in the system...) By morning Kaddi woke to find ant-a-palooza taking place on our kitchen table. There was even an ant Jimi Hendrix playing the Thai national anthem...before lighting his guitar on fire and smashing it. It was my unbelievable good fortune that I was not only already at the library, but I had also forgot my cel phone.

I keep telling Kaddi it's not my fault. I have to respect Thai tradition and culture.

Laregly due to their Buddhist ethic, Thais have a very different relationship to insects and animals than we Judeo-Christians. There are ants crawling up the wall at most retaurants I frequent, along with cats wandering through. If you're up-country it's not unheard of to see a free-range chicken strutting about between the tables as you walk in, and then see that same chicken twenty minutes later sleeping with the fish-sauce on a bed of sticky rice. Usually, when I walk into the 7-11 near the archives, you have to step over a dog who's fallen asleep on the welcome mat. A westerner might think this is no place for a mangy dog and be tempted to kick it out of the way or possibly stomp it into the ground, but this would violate the sensibilities of most Thais. I can remember investigators who use to be offended when we missionaries would stomp coackroaches or beetles. Many Thais believe in reincarnation, and so that beetle could have been their grandfather (in which case I would tell them he's better off now.) Properly caring for animals builds spiritual merit, which can be cashed in at any tollboth on the road to nirvana. The Buddhist principle of kindness towards animals (until you're ready to eat them), also establishes a different type of boundary between man and beast.

It has also spawned an entire section of the Thai economy that is devoted to collecting merit through kindness towards animals. At the Thewet pier in Bangkok where I get off the river taxi, you can purchase a large bag of stale bread for about twenty baht. Entire schools of carp swim just off the banks waiting to be fed by the Buddhist faithful. In front of the archives there are legions of pigeons who grow fat and multiply on the offerings of library employees. At the markets you can often find a large tub full of turtles, which are not waiting for someone to make them into turtle soup, although Meg seems convinced otherwise. People make a business out of trapping turtles, then selling them to kind-hearted people who are looking to build merit by taking the turtle back to the river and releasing it...sometimes into the waiting net of a turtle-trapper, no doubt.

This policy produces exactly the type of results one might expect. At the library it's hardly worth sitting down to enjoy the shade because there is pigeon excrement all over the benches, and the sky is constantly full over pigeons - each one a potential dive-bomber floating just over your head. At the pier, you will want to stay away from the water's edge, since fat carp fighting over bread produces all sorts of splashing and you don't want to go home smelling of Chao Phrya. And yet, don't we Christians also believe it is better to suffer these earthly tribulations in order to lay up treasures in heaven?

So when Kaddi is (rightfully) fuming about having to wipe up ants and re-mop the kitchen floor, I just remind her of all the merit we've gained by feeding so many of God's creatures.

Skype-out.


A Side-note:

Those of you interested in the avant-garde should visit:

Snow Show

...a new internet video produced by Giggle Lane productions in Madison, WI. It features unorthodox directing and a revolutionary editing technique. The filmmakers juxtapose the serene settings of a Wisconsin winter wonderland with some shocking footage of urban performers, one of whom appears to be injured.

"There's always room for another piece of watermelon"

It's funny how a little thing like colour can completely throw off your groove. I managed to get Jake and Meg to hold this watermelon for the picture, but there was no way they were going to eat it. Although Meg did seem a little intrigued that 'it smelled just like our watermelon.' So, I had to eat the whole thing by myself (it was a bit sweeter than red watermelon).

In other news...

The people have spoken: Shane stinks.
Yesterday morning Kaddi pulled me aside and whispered 'Babe - you have a smell.' It's true. I now have Thailand coursing through my veins and coming out my pores. After a month of eating things like rice with chicken, fried onions and Thai peppers for breakfast, and then a hot bowl of Chinese noodles for lunch, I suppose it's to be expected. The good news is it makes your blood a little spicier, and this makes you less attractive to misquitoes. The bad news is it apparently makes you less attractive to people as well. After two months I may find myself living on Exile Island.


"It'll probably take two weeks to fix that, if I order the part today...which I won't." It's been hard to keep track of all the things that haven't worked properly since we've been here. The shower still does not work properly, despite having the technician look at it twice. The other day Meg said 'Dad, I think the guy who built this shower was drinking you-know-what. You know...alcohol?' Last night our bedroom airconditioner stopped working in the middle of the night. We had to have the kids air conditioner fixed. The air conditioner in the kitchen area is still broken. Kaddi's cel phone no longer gets a signal. The day we bought Jakob's bicycle his seat fell off. The power has gone out twice, both times at night. The phone line has disconnected, the internet comes and goes, and the other day I bought sticky rice that refused to stick. It makes one realize that we are used to being in an on-demand society. We want things right now and we expect them to work whenever we need them (we don't even need to understand why they work.)

This will take some getting used to...

The JAKE and MEG show: Pilot Episode

The JAKE and MEG show: A Proof of Life production

*We've had some production issues. The sound and video are not quite in sync. This is largely because the kids are actually speaking in Thai, and we had to dub in the English translations back in the studio.

LOY KRATHONG: Whatever floats your basket...

'Loy Kratong' literally means 'float basket'. It's orginas are somewhat suspect, although it dates back to the fourteenth century when the capital of Siam was in the Northern city of Sukothai. Many people claim its a Hindu holiday that has been grafted into Buddhism, but it's more likely that it was originally an Animist event, since it is held at the end of the rainy season and meant to appease the river god. In Buddhist tradition, Loy Kratong is an event of spiritual renewal, an opportunity to put the past behind you and start again.


Traditionally, after placing your basket in the water and saying a prayer, you must follow the basket as it drifts away for as long as possible. The longer your candle stays lit, the better luck you will have during the coming year.

Most krathongs are hand-made baskets with flowers, candles, and incense sticks given as an offering to the river god. To Loy your krathong with a member of the opposite sex often is seen as an indication that you are more than just friends. (I thought I saw Dwight and Angela out there placing baskets in the water, but I can't be sure...)

For four days leading up to Loy Krathong, there has been a parade of river boats along the Chao Phrya in Bangkok. I was even able to Kaddi to go down into Bangkok with me so we could watch some of it from the rooftop of a Thai restaurant. (She went into Bangkok, and we ate at a Thai restaurant - absolutely unprecedented!)

A large portrait of King Bhumipol Adulyadej adorned many of the floats. This is the 60th anniversary of the coronation of Rama IX, and so his portrait, emblem, and color (yellow) is everywhere.

Let's open up the 301NIB mailbag

301nib subscribers: We love getting your emails, letters, and comments about the website. Keep sending them in, and periodically we'll post the best of the best. Remember: letters laced with profanity, sexual innuendo, or anthrax will NOT be published.




Dear 301nights,
I can't believe you guys have been there for a month already. Are things improving at all? Is Kaddi doing any better?

Skanky Spice
Calgary, Alberta

Dear Ms. Spice,
Things are getting better here for everyone. Jake is feeling more comfortable at soccer. Meg is trying hard to make a friend in her primary class. Even Kaddi is beginning to loosen up. During that first week if I left a knife with peanut-butter on it laying on the counter, she ran my head through a plate glass window. Now if I do something that might attract ants she just slaps me around a little.




Dear 301NIB,
You sure do a lot of blogging. I thought you were supposed to be doing research over there. Are you ever going to make it to the archives or will you just spend the ten months making up funny stories, posting photographs and taking silly little videos?

Get it together,

Wyldflwr
Orem, UT

Uh....



301nib,

Do your friends and family not write you? Why do you have to make up viewer mail? None of these letters come from real people. In fact, I'll bet most of EVERYTHING you post on this site is the product of your imagination.

An Enlightened Viewer,
Somewhere in Kansas

Dear Enlightened One,

You certainly hit it in on the head. 310nib is not an actual diary of our trip, its for entertainment purposes only. Along with my team of writers, I make up plot scenarios, stories, create new characters, and then use CGI photos to make it all come alive.

Of course, the question NOW is...why am I explaining all this to you when you don't exist?






301nightsinbangkok,

After one month are you starting to feel comfortable in your ward? Do you or Kaddi have callings yet? What sort of things have you done to get involved?

Nivea for Tom
Sarasota, FL

Dear Nancy-boy,
We do not have callings yet, or even home teachers. But we officially feel like part of the ward now that I have been asked to play the part of 'Joseph' in the upcoming Christmas pageant entitled 'Journey to Bethlehem.' Every year the Bangkok stake puts on a Nativity pageant at the Asoke building that is specifically designed to introduce non-Christians to the story of the Saviour's birth. It is structured as a tour that goes through the building, and each classroom is a different scene for Luke II. One room has Herod, another the wisemen, the shepherds, another has the angels, another is the inn, and so on. At the end of the tour they will come to the stable, where 'Mary' and I will be holding the Christ-child and...uh, singing a duet.

I have to admit being offered this role was not completely unexpected. I knew that eventually word of my performance in Joseph: Prophet of the Restoration (not to mention my writing, producing and co-starring in the Mad2 ward talent show) was bound to get out. But, it turned out they just wanted someone with a beard. They decided to settle for me, anyway.




Dear 301nights,

If you're having such problems with taxis and boats and traveling in general, why not just get a car? Wouldn't that make things easier?

K.M.
St. Paul, MN

Dear K.M.,
We'd like to have a car, but it would really be more hassle than its worth. The maintenance and registration alone would be very costly and time-consuming. Plus, most people here with cars also have drivers, which we would not. That would just mean I would get lost on my own instead of with a Taxi-drivers, or get in an accident since Thais drive on the left. Finally, the only car available here that we could afford is a Hyundai - basically a KIA with a cooler logo. And who wants to drive one of those?

HALLOWEEN IN THAILAND: The scariest part is the candy.

All ex-pat communities are a little like nutra-sweet. (It's not sugar, but it helps maintain the illusion of sweetness). A big part of pretending that we're not in Thailand involves celebrating Christian-European holidays, like Halloween. The management group here puts up all sorts of Halloween decorations, and parents buy all sorts of candy...and then pay their maids to stay home and hand it out. But is that any reason to miss out on the fun? Another couple from our ward come up from the city and we went trick-or-treating with them and their kids. Some photohighlights (not neccesarily in chronological order)...


Jake and Meg prowl the streets of Gotham trying to figure out which houses actually want you to come to their door.











Cyrus as the Man of Steel with Jake as the Caped Crusader. ("Careful of the guns...they'll getcha.")

I'm not sure Jakob understands the Batman persona yet. I kept trying to coach him for the photos "More angst! More angst! Where's your undercurrent of complexity?!!"






Meg as Cinderella and Cyan as the fairy princess were the highlight of the night. Later on things got a little ugly. The magic mirror revealed that Cyan was the fairest in the land, and so Meg poisoned one of her candied apples.



The candy exchanges could be a little chaotic. They don't have pumpkins here, so the guy in the blue shirt was trying to scare the kids with a 'scary potato'.
Jake stands next to the Thai subtitute for jack-o-lanterns, while Cyan plays with her favorite trick-or-treat toy.











(No caption available.)













Jake and Meg search through the spoils of victory. A few highlights: Pre-opened M&M's, yogurt, Weird jello-like substance, choco-stix, chocolate-substitute in a plastic tube, and Mentos.