Do you know any Mormons? (Part II of III)

For two days I thought about how to re-visit the topic of religion, in part because I wanted to know if Manhattan had any real experiences with the Church, but mainly because I wanted to see if I could get her to spout more Anti-Mormon rhetoric.

Finally, an opportunity presented itself when there was a temporary breakdown in the supply chain that delivered boxes of exam booklets to each of the tables. We found ourselves sitting around with nothing to do for several minutes. While I was elated to have a break from deciphering the handwriting of fifteen year-olds, Manhattan seemed quite annoyed at the interruption.

MANHATTAN: I can’t believe we’re out of booklets. What’s going on back there?

ME: I don’t know, but I’ll bet the Mormons are behind it.

MANHATTAN: (rolling her eyes) I’m not prejudiced against Mormons. I think all religions are weird.

ME: So you’re not a religious person at all.

MANHATTAN: No, I don’t need some fake prophet to teach me the fictitious words of a god that doesn’t exist. Most of the world’s problems trace back to some form of religious belief.

ME: But doesn’t history also show that man is an inherently spiritual being? Humans have always sought out religion because it helps define us, give us purpose. We crave understanding about our place in the universe and our relationship with an Almighty. That need is as basic as food and shelter, and religion helps fulfill it.

MANHATTAN: I don’t agree. Rational thinking human beings should make decisions based on empirical evidence. I’m not going to organize my life around the precepts of an imaginary god. I’m only interested in things I can see, ideas that can be proven. The rest is all myth.

ME: Okay, so religion isn’t for you. But everyone needs a type of belief system that they use to make value judgments or set goals or measure success. So what have you developed to replace religion in that role?

MANHATTAN: I don’t have a belief system because I don’t need one. Like I said, any intelligent person should be able to make their own decisions without having to constantly wear some ideological strait-jacket.

It was all very disappointing. I had engaged the topic hoping for a diatribe against polygamy, discrimination against blacks, or perhaps even a fiery polemic on prop 8.

Instead, I had to endure a lecture on the Secular vs. Religious binary that you can get from NPR. Secularists are enlightened, intelligent, modern, tolerant, rational, and most of all – independent thinkers. Religious adherents (especially Christians) are backward, traditional, bigoted, emotional, irrational, and dependent on some form of televangelist (or conservative radio personality) to tell them what to think.

It was even more irritating coming from Manhattan, a proto-typical member of the Eastern liberal elite. After all, these are the people who constantly lecture the rest of us about every form of profiling and discrimination – against ethnic minorities, women, and especially the LGBT community.

Yet, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with dismissing anyone with strong religious beliefs as ‘stupid,’ or ‘weird,’ things you would never say about other groups.

(I should mention that I later learned Manhattan was not, in fact, a member of the Easter Liberal Elite that Glenn Beck has warned me about. Actually, she was an uber-capitalist, an Ayn Rand disciple who voted for McCain in 2008. Shame on me for stereotyping.)

But as I soon realized, Manhattan did have a belief system. It was far more rigid and confining than my own. And exposing it would be much more enjoyable than simply revealing to her that she had been making fun of Mormons while talking to one.