WGSC

I'm considering sending this in as a guest column for the campus newspaper here. But first, I want to run it by some colleagues to make sure it won't result in an administrative order to attend a sensitivity training workshop.



A MODEST PROPOSAL

As a new faculty member, I'm constantly confronted with the same reaction when I proudly inform friends and relatives that I'm now an assistant professor of history at Wayne State College.

"Oh," they say. " I've heard of that school - it's in Detroit, right?"

I realize that WSC confronts many important challenges. The administration is working to improve infrastructure, bolster academic standards, increase enrollment, and deal with ongoing budgetary constraints. I feel strongly, however, that is time to put those secondary concerns aside in order to deal with the much more pressing issue - the fact that we are constantly confused with the much larger (and therefore less prestigious) Wayne State University. I also want to offer a solution - one that will help individualize our hallowed institution and also honour a hockey icon.

I propose that we change the name of our great school to "Wayne Gretzky State College."

The benefits of adopting this new moniker are obvious. First, it improves the brand without radically altering it - we just insert the word 'Gretzky' into the existing title. It could be the most successful marketing campaign since Kentucky Friend Chicken morphed into the younger, hipper, 'KFC'.

Second, it would undoubtedly improve our ability to recruit students from the Edmonton, Alberta region.

Most importantly, it increases our visiblity by linking WSC (soon to be WGSC) with the greatest hockey player of all time. After twenty seasons in the NHL, Gretzky claims sixty-one league records, including most career goals, assists, points, and most goals in a season. He won four Stanley Cups and eight Hart trophies as the league's most valuable player. The man scored fifty goals in thirty-nine games. In 39 games!!! The real question is not "should we rename the college after him", but "why haven't we done this already?"

Despite the tremendous advantages of such a move, I accept that there will be resistance from certain corners of the campus. Naysayers will point out the lack of a historical connection between Gretzky and the college.

Others might object on the basis that WGSC does not have a hockey team. Or an arena capable of hosting hockey. Some might go even further, arguing that northeast Nebraska has no significant in interest in hockey at all.

In actuality, each of these arguments are little more than a smokescreen for those people who don't want this college named after a Canadian. As an immigrant from the Great White North, I've faced similar instances of Anti-Canadian sentiment since leaving friends, family, and affordable health care back in my homeland.

Some of you will no doubt respond, "There's no discrimination against Canadians here at Wayne Gretzky State College. I treat Canadians just the same as I would treat anyone else."

But when was the last time you approached one of your Canadian-American professors and thanked them for an excellent lecture? Or offered to help with their photocopies? Or even just purchased a Snickers from the candy machine and delivered it to their office at 242 Connell Hall?
The first step towards correcting a problem is admitting that one exists. Let's be honest, renaming our college won't erase the suffering Canadian-Americans have endured for generations. It may be only one small step, but it's a step towards equality.

So if you believe America can one again live up to its founding principles, contact the administration and let them know that you want your voice to be heard. Send in a vote for Wayne Gretzky State College.

You'll be sending a vote for freedom.