Would you like clouds with that?

A foreign language can be a fickle mistress. For whatever reason, my ability to read and speak Thai ebbs and flows like the tides of Kamala beach (although no tsunamis as of yet.) Some days I feel like Mr. Rosetta Stone, the words are easy to pronounce, the microfilms are clear and readable; and then the next day I feel illiterate and slur my words like I started drinking at eight-thirty that morning.

This process becomes even more complicated when you're dealing with an Asian language that involves tones. Asian languages must be sung, not spoken. The exact same word can have 4-5 different meaning depending on your verbal intonation. If you're not careful with Thai, the word 'new' can suddenly become 'fire' or 'wood'. At the fortieth anniversary celebration, a friend told me a story about ordering ice cream with a former Mission President. The Pres. wanted to ask for 'your big scoop' (of ice cream), but accidentally ordered 'your big butt.' Fortunately for missionaries, there is always someone around to quickly explain what you meant to say.

A few days ago I went into 7-11 for an old missionary favorite - the slurpee. It's amazing how a return to former surroundings can throw you back into old habits. In the twelve years since I left Thailand I've probably had 7 slurpees total. Now that I'm back I probably drink 3-4 a week. I suppose the weather has something to do with that. Once I had stacked as much slurpee as possible into the large cup I headed toward the counter. In Thailand they have the straws behind the counter, and they only give you a lid if you request one. After receiving my straw I proceeded to ask for a lid, but didn't quite hit the right note and instead said "Can I please have some sky?"

Now, most Thais are pleased and impressed that you're speaking their language and are quick to ignore any mistakes. They try to guess your meaning so as to spare you any embarassment. How lucky for me that this girl decided instead to treat me like I was a grade school student who had just spelled his own name with a backwards 'S'.

"It's lid" she said, "not sky. Sky and lid are very different things, you know."

I smiled with look that tried to communicate 'Thank you so much for the lesson', but really meant 'Just give me my damn slurpee, lady'. As I left the store I could hear her still laughing about it with a friend, saying 'He wanted sky with his slurpee.'

And so I took the long walk of shame that so many missionaries and immigrants have walked before me, suffering the humiliation of unsuccessfully trying to assimilate. It is the price we pay, I suppose, for the luxury of enjoying the cultural stereotypes that are so prevalent in North America. Who among us does not enjoy Apu inviting customers back to the Kwik-E-Mart with his trademark 'Thank-you, come again.' ? That day this 7-11 employee was enjoying that same joke, only this time at my expense. What can a minority do, except to silently submit to the majority's mockery, and make a mental note so as not to commit the error a second time?

(...but I'll bet that girl wasn't laughing when her shift ended and she walked outside to find her Hello-Kitty bicycle crumpled up under the wheels of a stolen taxi.)