Here at 301NIB we get letters from all over the world telling us how amazing Thailand looks, and how much they would like to live here so they could enjoy our an exotic lifestyle. The truth is that, by showing only the highlights, the website tends to make things look more exciting than they really are. Not everyday is full of breathtaking events such as getting dehydrated at the Tallest Buddhist Monument in the world, or burning out your retinas by staring at a salt pyramid. Mack Strate may be an international hip-hop superstar and internet phenomenon, but most days we still do the same mundane errands and tasks as every other family. The only difference is that, in Thailand, sometimes a routine activity can turn into a lesson in long-suffering. For example...
Last Saturday it was my job to put gas in the three-wheeled scooter we've been borrowing from a friend. Since there are no gas-stations or other useful (but unsightly) establishments here in 'ex-pat fantasyland', I had to ride the scooter outside the walls of our theme-park into Real Thailand. This involved risking both my safety and my masculinity as I drove safety-scooter down a main road full of taxis, buses, and semi-trailers.
I somehow avoided becoming the hood ornament of a tractor trailer, pulled into the gas-station and started looking for the key that accesses the gas cap under the seat. When the attendant came over, instead of filling up the tank, he informed me that there was a power outage and that they couldn't give me any gas because they couldn't pump it. The station across the street didn't have power either. So...I drove even farther down the street to another station. No power. I drove back down the street in the opposite direction, past the Nichada gates to another station. No power.
But I was determined not to go back empty-handed. Since there was a 7-11 next door (that great center of Thai economic life) I decided to just grab a snack and wait for the power come back on. This momentary struggle did nothing but prolong my suffering. The store had no slurpee machine. I settled for chocolate milk, but couldn't get Meiji brand and instead had to drink Foremost. I bought my usual pretzels thinking they were pizza-flavored, not noticing I had picked up 'corn-flavored' instead. I sat on my little roadster and waited, and waited....and waited. But no power. The Universe had considered my petition and pronounced its decision: "No gas for you!"
So...
If you're looking for an image that truly represents our lives in Thailand, this might be it. Me, sitting on a safety-scooter at gas station, choking down semi-chocolate milk and corn-flavored pretzels, waiting for electricity to come back on.
(Or Kaddi sweeping up ants...that might be a good one too.)
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
The Backstroke Queen
"You can swim, you can dive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the backstroke queen..."
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the backstroke queen..."
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
So THAT'S what happened to it...
This morning I found the following news story in National Geographic...
Fishers in northern Thailand netted this huge catfish in the Mekong River. Nearly nine feet long (2.7 meters) and as big as a grizzly bear, the behemoth tipped the scales at 646 pounds (293 kilograms). Experts say the fish, which belongs to the species known as the Mekong giant catfish, may be the largest freshwater fish ever recorded.
After a record-breaking Mekong giant catfish died, residents of Hat Khrai, a Thai village on the Mekong River, butchered the fish for its meat. The catfish, highly aggressive feeders, are known to eat almost anything. Among the stomach contents of this behemoth, fisherman found a triangle pillow, a daschund dog carcass, and a small silver Pentax digital camera.
"Mekong people believe it's a sacred fish, because it 'meditates'"—in the deep, stony pools of the Mekong River—"somewhat like a Buddhist monk, said Zeb Hogan, a fisheries biologist who studies the largest freshwater fish in the world. A WWF conservation fellow and National Geographic Society Emerging Explorer, Hogan has received funding from the National Geographic Society Conservation Trust.
Mekong giant catfish attract high prices in Thailand, because eating the fish is supposed to bring good luck. Likewise, the Chinese believe that catfish meat boosts intelligence and prolongs life.
Fishers in northern Thailand netted this huge catfish in the Mekong River. Nearly nine feet long (2.7 meters) and as big as a grizzly bear, the behemoth tipped the scales at 646 pounds (293 kilograms). Experts say the fish, which belongs to the species known as the Mekong giant catfish, may be the largest freshwater fish ever recorded.
After a record-breaking Mekong giant catfish died, residents of Hat Khrai, a Thai village on the Mekong River, butchered the fish for its meat. The catfish, highly aggressive feeders, are known to eat almost anything. Among the stomach contents of this behemoth, fisherman found a triangle pillow, a daschund dog carcass, and a small silver Pentax digital camera.
"Mekong people believe it's a sacred fish, because it 'meditates'"—in the deep, stony pools of the Mekong River—"somewhat like a Buddhist monk, said Zeb Hogan, a fisheries biologist who studies the largest freshwater fish in the world. A WWF conservation fellow and National Geographic Society Emerging Explorer, Hogan has received funding from the National Geographic Society Conservation Trust.
Mekong giant catfish attract high prices in Thailand, because eating the fish is supposed to bring good luck. Likewise, the Chinese believe that catfish meat boosts intelligence and prolongs life.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Who doesn't love a giant stupa?
Another day...another daytrip....
What vacation in Thailand would be complete without seeing the Floating market? We headed down to Damnoen Saduek (about 100 km Southwest of Bangkok) to check out the canals, orchards, and Thai handicrafts that have been featured so prominently imagery advertising Thailand. Our second trip varied somewhat from our first (with my parents). On the way down we stopped by the side of the road to checkout the salt flats that surround Samut Songkhram. They pump ocean water into small 'paddies', then allow the water to evaporate and harvest the salt. As Del and I wandered around we smelled the acrid odor familiar to anyone who has driven past the Great Salt Lake on I-80.
After spending an hour getting 'hooked' by one vendor after another at the Floating market, we traveled back through Nakorn Pathom and ate lunch at KFC. (This is not your father's Kentucky Fried Chicken - who knew they made such a great flat-bread shrimp taco?) Later, I wandered off to Dairy Queen while everyone else went to Swensen's for some peanut-butter chocolate chip ice cream. When I re-joined the family, I walked into Swensen's and was met with Americana's classic photo-image of tragic disappointment. I rounded the corner to see Meg, empty waffle cone in hand, tears rolling down her cheeks, mouth agape with a anguishes howl beginning to emanate from the very depths of her soul...while at her feet a scoop of ice cream slowly melted on the ceramic tile. O, that I had a picture of her face at that very moment! (She had the exact same expression as Jazzhands when Showchoir ended and he was forced to turn in his shiny red suspenders.)
Fortunately, I knew exactly how to console a six-year old girl who just lost her ice cream cone...
...by taking her to see the tallest Buddhist Monument in the World! A few blocks from our dining spot was Phra Pathom Chedi, a giant Stupa and one of the most famous monuments in Thailand. Surprisingly, Meg chose to stay in the car while I drug Del along to take some pictures (she goes crazy for Splash Mountain but doesn't like this?). I couldn't convince anyone to climb up the side of the chedi with me, but I had to have some pictures of the monument - at the very least to use in some future World Civ class when I try to teach students about the origins of Buddhism and the meaning of a 'stupa'.
Sidenote: We also want to thanks two families in our ward for helping us meet our transportation needs during this week. One lent us their golfcart, another their scooter with two childseats on the back, both useful for getting groceries, going to baseball games, or driving Kaddi's parents outside the gates of Nichada to get the daily footmassage.
At first I had my reservations about driving the 'Mom-scooter', since it is a little emasculating for someone like myself. But when I compared it with riding around on a child's bike, suddently it didn't look so bad.
What vacation in Thailand would be complete without seeing the Floating market? We headed down to Damnoen Saduek (about 100 km Southwest of Bangkok) to check out the canals, orchards, and Thai handicrafts that have been featured so prominently imagery advertising Thailand. Our second trip varied somewhat from our first (with my parents). On the way down we stopped by the side of the road to checkout the salt flats that surround Samut Songkhram. They pump ocean water into small 'paddies', then allow the water to evaporate and harvest the salt. As Del and I wandered around we smelled the acrid odor familiar to anyone who has driven past the Great Salt Lake on I-80.
After spending an hour getting 'hooked' by one vendor after another at the Floating market, we traveled back through Nakorn Pathom and ate lunch at KFC. (This is not your father's Kentucky Fried Chicken - who knew they made such a great flat-bread shrimp taco?) Later, I wandered off to Dairy Queen while everyone else went to Swensen's for some peanut-butter chocolate chip ice cream. When I re-joined the family, I walked into Swensen's and was met with Americana's classic photo-image of tragic disappointment. I rounded the corner to see Meg, empty waffle cone in hand, tears rolling down her cheeks, mouth agape with a anguishes howl beginning to emanate from the very depths of her soul...while at her feet a scoop of ice cream slowly melted on the ceramic tile. O, that I had a picture of her face at that very moment! (She had the exact same expression as Jazzhands when Showchoir ended and he was forced to turn in his shiny red suspenders.)
Fortunately, I knew exactly how to console a six-year old girl who just lost her ice cream cone...
...by taking her to see the tallest Buddhist Monument in the World! A few blocks from our dining spot was Phra Pathom Chedi, a giant Stupa and one of the most famous monuments in Thailand. Surprisingly, Meg chose to stay in the car while I drug Del along to take some pictures (she goes crazy for Splash Mountain but doesn't like this?). I couldn't convince anyone to climb up the side of the chedi with me, but I had to have some pictures of the monument - at the very least to use in some future World Civ class when I try to teach students about the origins of Buddhism and the meaning of a 'stupa'.
Sidenote: We also want to thanks two families in our ward for helping us meet our transportation needs during this week. One lent us their golfcart, another their scooter with two childseats on the back, both useful for getting groceries, going to baseball games, or driving Kaddi's parents outside the gates of Nichada to get the daily footmassage.
At first I had my reservations about driving the 'Mom-scooter', since it is a little emasculating for someone like myself. But when I compared it with riding around on a child's bike, suddently it didn't look so bad.
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Competitive World of Speed-Stacking
The clash of cultures continues...
Thanks to relative who sent over the equipment with Del and Sharon, Thailand has now been introduced to the sport of "speed-stacking." As Jake will demonstrate in the following video, you place your hands on a timer (which starts as soon as you lift up your hands, then stack several cups and return them to their original position before returning your hands to the timer. Jake and Meg have both been actively preparing themselves to compete in the sport's inaugural even in Southeast Asia, which will consist of me, Jake, and possibly Meg.
Kaddi and I are actively encouraging Jake's newfound devotion in this sport, we're hoping that years of practice during his formative years will prepare him for a future career in the catering business, or perhaps even get him his first apprenticeship as a carni.
Disclaimer: This is a silent movie, as our temporary camera does not record sound.
Thanks to relative who sent over the equipment with Del and Sharon, Thailand has now been introduced to the sport of "speed-stacking." As Jake will demonstrate in the following video, you place your hands on a timer (which starts as soon as you lift up your hands, then stack several cups and return them to their original position before returning your hands to the timer. Jake and Meg have both been actively preparing themselves to compete in the sport's inaugural even in Southeast Asia, which will consist of me, Jake, and possibly Meg.
Kaddi and I are actively encouraging Jake's newfound devotion in this sport, we're hoping that years of practice during his formative years will prepare him for a future career in the catering business, or perhaps even get him his first apprenticeship as a carni.
Disclaimer: This is a silent movie, as our temporary camera does not record sound.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
World Wide Pants
On Del and Sharon's first day in Bangkok we headed down to see the Grand Palace, with its corresponding temple - Wat Prakaew. Since this is the holiest place in Thailand, they do not allow tourists to enter with shorts, immodest skirts, or tanktops. When Del went in to borrow some pants, they gave him a beautiful pair of purple slacks. We all thought them so stylish we decided he should keep them. But when we tried to sneak out of the gates he was tackled by soldiers who then hauled him off for questioning.
He hasn't been sentenced yet, but apparently "pants-lifting" by farangs is on the rise here in Thailand and they want to make an example out of him. We may have to delay his flight for...a while.
He hasn't been sentenced yet, but apparently "pants-lifting" by farangs is on the rise here in Thailand and they want to make an example out of him. We may have to delay his flight for...a while.
The Bridge
After checking to make sure we had a new van with indestructible air-conditioning, we headed out to Kanchanaburi province about 120 km west of Bangkok. Kanchanaburi is the home of the "bridge over the river Kwai", made famous by the 1952 film with Alec Guiness and William Holden (which was actually filmed in Sri Lanka. During WWII, the Japanese needed a railway link between Burma and Thailand to help them accomplish two things: Cut off British and American support to China through the 'Burma Road', and give the Japanese empire secure access to tungsten deposits in Burma.
In order to build the railroad the Japanese used POW's captured in the Philippines, Malaysia, Hong Kong, and Singapore. Approximately half the workers died either from malnutrition, disease, or exhaustion. In the city of Kanchanaburi there is a cemetery dedicated to the British, Australian, and Dutch POW's that died during the construction. (In actuality, over eighty-percent of the workers who died on that project were Malay, Burmese, or Chinese that had been pressed in to service by the Japanese. There is no memorial for them.) After the bridge's completion it was destroyed by Allied bombing.
We had an enjoyable and education day learning about the Pacific theater. I enjoyed the Railway of Death museum. Jake enjoyed playing around in the waterfall. Del enjoyed dinner at the floating restaurant. Kaddi and Sharon enjoyed watching dozens of schoolchildren laugh and stare at me. Meg enjoyed chewing a jumbo package of Bubbilicious.
In order to build the railroad the Japanese used POW's captured in the Philippines, Malaysia, Hong Kong, and Singapore. Approximately half the workers died either from malnutrition, disease, or exhaustion. In the city of Kanchanaburi there is a cemetery dedicated to the British, Australian, and Dutch POW's that died during the construction. (In actuality, over eighty-percent of the workers who died on that project were Malay, Burmese, or Chinese that had been pressed in to service by the Japanese. There is no memorial for them.) After the bridge's completion it was destroyed by Allied bombing.
We had an enjoyable and education day learning about the Pacific theater. I enjoyed the Railway of Death museum. Jake enjoyed playing around in the waterfall. Del enjoyed dinner at the floating restaurant. Kaddi and Sharon enjoyed watching dozens of schoolchildren laugh and stare at me. Meg enjoyed chewing a jumbo package of Bubbilicious.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
The Crocodile Farm in Samut Phrakan
We celebrated Valentine's Day by taking a day trip to Samut Phrakan, about 30 miles southeast of Bangkok, to see the world's largest crocodile farm. It was a day full of Hallmark moments. Sharon took her first elephant ride, Jake fed Mentos to a monkey, and Del got a picture with a tiger.
We had rented a van and rode down in air-conditioned comfort with plenty of leg room. On the way back, however, the air-conditioner stopped working. We had an hour-long ride in 90 degree temperatures with diesel exhaust pouring in the open windows. By the time we got back to Nichada they had to peel us off the upholstery.
After today I'm pretty sure Del and Sharon are trying to move up their flight home. (Lucky for us they can't get to the airpot on their own.)
We had rented a van and rode down in air-conditioned comfort with plenty of leg room. On the way back, however, the air-conditioner stopped working. We had an hour-long ride in 90 degree temperatures with diesel exhaust pouring in the open windows. By the time we got back to Nichada they had to peel us off the upholstery.
After today I'm pretty sure Del and Sharon are trying to move up their flight home. (Lucky for us they can't get to the airpot on their own.)
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Your donation is appreciated
For the past few weeks we've been looking forward to Del and Sharon's visit, because we knew they'd bring with them the greatest gift of all. The gift of presents.
Here's a special thank-you to all those of you who contributed to the family care-package...
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When she's not perfecting her backstroke or dreaming of chocolate cake, Meg likes to curl up with her new colouring book.
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When he's not playing gamecube or learning Brazilian soccer, Jake likes to smell his new shoes.
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Mmmm....waxy.
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After a long day of scholastic achievement, Shaino pays a visit to the land of chocolate.
Here's a special thank-you to all those of you who contributed to the family care-package...
.JPG)
When she's not perfecting her backstroke or dreaming of chocolate cake, Meg likes to curl up with her new colouring book.
.JPG)
When he's not playing gamecube or learning Brazilian soccer, Jake likes to smell his new shoes.
.JPG)
Mmmm....waxy..JPG)
After a long day of scholastic achievement, Shaino pays a visit to the land of chocolate.Wednesday, February 07, 2007
The 301NIB Mailbag
Dear 301nights,
I heard Nicolas Cage just finished filming a movie in Bangkok. Did you see him? Have you seen anyone else famous there?
Sincerely,
Fastrunner-Reader-Junior-Christmas-Helper
Magrath, Alberta
Dear FRJCH,
I guess Nicolas Cage must not have filmed any scenes in the National Archives, because I haven't seen him. I saw Steve Young and a gas station once. I saw the director of 'Chicago' at Disneyland, but since coming to Thailand I have not seen anyone famous.
But I did get a personalized phone call from Alec Baldwin. At first I though it was just a pre-recorded message that a friend had put together to make fun of me at nbc.com. But then when he mentioned that I had pretty hair I realized he must actually know me. If a big movie star like Alec Baldwin can take the time to call me, the least I can do is watch his show. If it were on TV here.
Dear 301NIB,
I've noticed the rate of your posts is slowing down as of late. Does this mean you're finally starting to do some actual research? I mean, that was your reason for going to Thailand in the first place, right?
Russ Darrow
Madison, WI
Dear Russell,
I'm proud to announce that I went to the archives for the first time this week, filled out my application for a research permit, and received my ID card. It was like the archives fairy godmother touched me on the head and I became a real researcher.
The bad news is that, unlike the National Library, where I feel quite comfortable and manage to look professional, I have no idea what I'm doing at the archives. They have a completely different catalogue system. I've spent most of this month sitting at a table drawing potential new logos for 301NIB.
The coolest thing about the archives? Personal lockers. You know you're a serious researcher when you have a locker for your belongings. I keep notebooks and pens in mine, along with some soap, a towel, deodorant, shower sandals, and a poster of Edward Said on the door. It's a little awkward using the group shower, but after six hours of grappling with Thai-language sources, you certainly need it.
Dear 301nightsinbangkok,
Oh-my-gosh...you look so hot in those latest photos! I would totally make-out with you. I've got you as my wallpaper on my desktop now. Are you doing a lot of exercise over there?
Your fan,
Kelly K.
Scranton, PA
Dear KK,
I'm really not doing any exercise in the conventional sense. In the world of Nichada, it's only permissible to exercise if its an end unto itself. That is, you should only physically exert yourself for recreational purposes, and not to achieve anything practical. It's acceptable to spend a half hour jogging in your Nike gear, but if you need a loaf of bread from the store you should really drive. I used to walk to the neighbourhood gates to get a taxi, but I stopped after people driving by started throwing spare change at me or asking if I needed directions to a homeless shelter.
It's the same with our skin tone. Decades ago people used to take pride in having pale white skin, because it was a sign of wealth. It proved you could afford to stay indoors all the time instead of working on a farm somewhere. (They also thought plump women had the ideal body type.) But now it is the opposite. Everyone is stuck at a computer in a cubicle under the same depressing flourescent lights, so having tan skin is a sign of our vitality. It means we have the time and money to lie around outdoors (or in a tanning bed.)
Thais, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. Many have occupations which still involved hard physical labour out in the sun. They covet white skin and think foreigners are crazy to spend time running around for no reason or than fitness.
Dear 301NIB,
What's the update on the bombing situation in Bangkok? Did they ever apprehend a suspect? Do I need to post-pone my vacation to Phuket?
Slightly worried,
Ulf Svendersen
Bjornjornlinder, Scandahoovia
Dear Ulf,
I've decided that using the website in order to comment on political matters might not be the wisest move at this juncture in my career. Two years ago a grad student friend was followed home from an anti-Thaksin rally by Thai police, who briefly questioned him as to his purpose in Thailand. I'd prefer that the authorities here not become too interested in me. I still have nightmares about being 'interrogated' by UW campus police for writing those leaflets supporting traditional marriage. Aside from that, I think you'll be perfectly safe here in Thailand.
301nights,
Congratulations on passing the 2500 hit marker. I wonder, how many of those were the result of you checking your own website?
Princess Poindexter
Roseville, CA
I would guess...at least 2000.
I heard Nicolas Cage just finished filming a movie in Bangkok. Did you see him? Have you seen anyone else famous there?
Sincerely,
Fastrunner-Reader-Junior-Christmas-Helper
Magrath, Alberta
Dear FRJCH,
I guess Nicolas Cage must not have filmed any scenes in the National Archives, because I haven't seen him. I saw Steve Young and a gas station once. I saw the director of 'Chicago' at Disneyland, but since coming to Thailand I have not seen anyone famous.
But I did get a personalized phone call from Alec Baldwin. At first I though it was just a pre-recorded message that a friend had put together to make fun of me at nbc.com. But then when he mentioned that I had pretty hair I realized he must actually know me. If a big movie star like Alec Baldwin can take the time to call me, the least I can do is watch his show. If it were on TV here.
Dear 301NIB,
I've noticed the rate of your posts is slowing down as of late. Does this mean you're finally starting to do some actual research? I mean, that was your reason for going to Thailand in the first place, right?
Russ Darrow
Madison, WI
Dear Russell,
I'm proud to announce that I went to the archives for the first time this week, filled out my application for a research permit, and received my ID card. It was like the archives fairy godmother touched me on the head and I became a real researcher.
The bad news is that, unlike the National Library, where I feel quite comfortable and manage to look professional, I have no idea what I'm doing at the archives. They have a completely different catalogue system. I've spent most of this month sitting at a table drawing potential new logos for 301NIB.
The coolest thing about the archives? Personal lockers. You know you're a serious researcher when you have a locker for your belongings. I keep notebooks and pens in mine, along with some soap, a towel, deodorant, shower sandals, and a poster of Edward Said on the door. It's a little awkward using the group shower, but after six hours of grappling with Thai-language sources, you certainly need it.
Dear 301nightsinbangkok,
Oh-my-gosh...you look so hot in those latest photos! I would totally make-out with you. I've got you as my wallpaper on my desktop now. Are you doing a lot of exercise over there?
Your fan,
Kelly K.
Scranton, PA
Dear KK,
I'm really not doing any exercise in the conventional sense. In the world of Nichada, it's only permissible to exercise if its an end unto itself. That is, you should only physically exert yourself for recreational purposes, and not to achieve anything practical. It's acceptable to spend a half hour jogging in your Nike gear, but if you need a loaf of bread from the store you should really drive. I used to walk to the neighbourhood gates to get a taxi, but I stopped after people driving by started throwing spare change at me or asking if I needed directions to a homeless shelter.
It's the same with our skin tone. Decades ago people used to take pride in having pale white skin, because it was a sign of wealth. It proved you could afford to stay indoors all the time instead of working on a farm somewhere. (They also thought plump women had the ideal body type.) But now it is the opposite. Everyone is stuck at a computer in a cubicle under the same depressing flourescent lights, so having tan skin is a sign of our vitality. It means we have the time and money to lie around outdoors (or in a tanning bed.)
Thais, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. Many have occupations which still involved hard physical labour out in the sun. They covet white skin and think foreigners are crazy to spend time running around for no reason or than fitness.
Dear 301NIB,
What's the update on the bombing situation in Bangkok? Did they ever apprehend a suspect? Do I need to post-pone my vacation to Phuket?
Slightly worried,
Ulf Svendersen
Bjornjornlinder, Scandahoovia
Dear Ulf,
I've decided that using the website in order to comment on political matters might not be the wisest move at this juncture in my career. Two years ago a grad student friend was followed home from an anti-Thaksin rally by Thai police, who briefly questioned him as to his purpose in Thailand. I'd prefer that the authorities here not become too interested in me. I still have nightmares about being 'interrogated' by UW campus police for writing those leaflets supporting traditional marriage. Aside from that, I think you'll be perfectly safe here in Thailand.
301nights,
Congratulations on passing the 2500 hit marker. I wonder, how many of those were the result of you checking your own website?
Princess Poindexter
Roseville, CA
I would guess...at least 2000.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
LIAR TOWN
As many of you know, Each day Meg and Jake have journal entries as part of their writing portion of homeschool. Here is the latest installment:
LIARTOWN
by Meg
Once upon a time there was a little town. No one has been there except liar people. It is called Liar town because everyon person lies.
One day a person repented and told the truth. Everyone else repented and told the truth, so the town had a party.
Now that everyone was telling the truth they named the town Partytown. Everyone has a party all the time and they all lived happily ever after.
THE END
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