Wednesday our family went to the Immigration Bureau in Bangkok to renew our non-immigrant visas. After spending a few hours and a few thousand baht, we had permission from the Kingdom of Thailand to stay until September. I know that many of you are wondering how the Thai immigration system stacks up against its American counterpart. I've spent the last week building a spreadsheet that compares the two national systems. Thailand and the United States go head-to-head in six scientifically recognized categories.
If you're trying to decide between immigrating to the U.S. or Thailand, this is one post you can't afford to miss. Here are the results...
Category #1: General Ambience of Immigration Center.
THAILAND: Hot, stuffy, congested room with plastic stadium seats, dirty floors, soiled smelly bathrooms, crying babies, and incomprehensible audio instructions constantly blaring at you over the loudspeaker.
USA: Hot, stuffy, congested room with plastic stadium seats, dirty floors, soiled smelly bathrooms, crying babies, and incomprehensible audio instructions constantly blaring at you over the loudspeaker.
Advantage: Tie.
Category #2 Elapsed Waiting Time
THAILAND: It's generally possible for tall, white, bearded researchers with perfectly coifed hair to avoid waiting by feigning ignorance as follows:
Official: Where's you number?
Shane: Number? The lady at the information desk just told me to come straight over here and give you this letter.
Official: You're supposed to have a....(sigh) just give me the application.
Shane: (quietly) heh heh...
USA: You can expect to be #87 in a line "now serving" #11. Any attempt to circumvent the process is guaranteed to result in you twitching and flailing around on the floor with several gigawatts of electricity surging through your body while federal employees enjoy a rousing game of 'Taser the immigrant.'
Advantage: Thailand
Category #3: Requirements: (What do you need to get a visa?)
THAILAND: Your money.
USA: A stack of forms and pictures explaining your unique qualifications for entering the home of the brave. You must provide proof that you've performed at least three miracles during your lifetime (and they can't be card tricks). You may also be required to provide a self-criticism explaining what sins you committed in your former life that caused your bad karma, which resulted in your being born in a country other than the United States. They also want lots of money.
Advantage: Thailand
Category #4: Fringe Benefits.
Thailand: When you complete your application they give your children pieces of candy.
USA: When you complete your application they put you in a concrete cell, spray you down with a firehouse and throw de-lousing powder in your face.
Advantage: Thailand
Category #5 Bureaucratic efficiency.
THAILAND: Forms processed within two hours.
USA: Forms fed into paper shredder within two hours. Rejection notice sent out within 12-18 months.
Advantage: Thailand
Category #6 Ultimate Reward.
THAILAND: A drab, uninspiring, blue-ink stamp in one's passport.
USA: A shiny, new alien credit-card, complete with picture, thumbprint, and super-cool hologram.
Advantage: USA!
Disclaimer: Applicants should remember that upon completing Thailand's immigration process they will have to live in Thailand.
2 comments:
Thailand may have the advantage but don't you begin to love the pain since it is so long and drawn out in the US? I know I did...7 years! Julianna
If you ever do become patriotic, I know a guy who can sing you some GREAT show tunes---classic Fouth of July Fan Fare. What the heck, I'll just send you a tape. It's bound to inspire American loyalties.
Post a Comment