The 301NIB Mailbag

Dear 301nights,

I heard Nicolas Cage just finished filming a movie in Bangkok. Did you see him? Have you seen anyone else famous there?

Sincerely,

Fastrunner-Reader-Junior-Christmas-Helper
Magrath, Alberta

Dear FRJCH,

I guess Nicolas Cage must not have filmed any scenes in the National Archives, because I haven't seen him. I saw Steve Young and a gas station once. I saw the director of 'Chicago' at Disneyland, but since coming to Thailand I have not seen anyone famous.

But I did get a personalized phone call from Alec Baldwin. At first I though it was just a pre-recorded message that a friend had put together to make fun of me at nbc.com. But then when he mentioned that I had pretty hair I realized he must actually know me. If a big movie star like Alec Baldwin can take the time to call me, the least I can do is watch his show. If it were on TV here.

Dear 301NIB,

I've noticed the rate of your posts is slowing down as of late. Does this mean you're finally starting to do some actual research? I mean, that was your reason for going to Thailand in the first place, right?

Russ Darrow
Madison, WI

Dear Russell,

I'm proud to announce that I went to the archives for the first time this week, filled out my application for a research permit, and received my ID card. It was like the archives fairy godmother touched me on the head and I became a real researcher.

The bad news is that, unlike the National Library, where I feel quite comfortable and manage to look professional, I have no idea what I'm doing at the archives. They have a completely different catalogue system. I've spent most of this month sitting at a table drawing potential new logos for 301NIB.

The coolest thing about the archives? Personal lockers. You know you're a serious researcher when you have a locker for your belongings. I keep notebooks and pens in mine, along with some soap, a towel, deodorant, shower sandals, and a poster of Edward Said on the door. It's a little awkward using the group shower, but after six hours of grappling with Thai-language sources, you certainly need it.


Dear 301nightsinbangkok,

Oh-my-gosh...you look so hot in those latest photos! I would totally make-out with you. I've got you as my wallpaper on my desktop now. Are you doing a lot of exercise over there?

Your fan,

Kelly K.
Scranton, PA


Dear KK,

I'm really not doing any exercise in the conventional sense. In the world of Nichada, it's only permissible to exercise if its an end unto itself. That is, you should only physically exert yourself for recreational purposes, and not to achieve anything practical. It's acceptable to spend a half hour jogging in your Nike gear, but if you need a loaf of bread from the store you should really drive. I used to walk to the neighbourhood gates to get a taxi, but I stopped after people driving by started throwing spare change at me or asking if I needed directions to a homeless shelter.

It's the same with our skin tone. Decades ago people used to take pride in having pale white skin, because it was a sign of wealth. It proved you could afford to stay indoors all the time instead of working on a farm somewhere. (They also thought plump women had the ideal body type.) But now it is the opposite. Everyone is stuck at a computer in a cubicle under the same depressing flourescent lights, so having tan skin is a sign of our vitality. It means we have the time and money to lie around outdoors (or in a tanning bed.)

Thais, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. Many have occupations which still involved hard physical labour out in the sun. They covet white skin and think foreigners are crazy to spend time running around for no reason or than fitness.


Dear 301NIB,

What's the update on the bombing situation in Bangkok? Did they ever apprehend a suspect? Do I need to post-pone my vacation to Phuket?

Slightly worried,

Ulf Svendersen
Bjornjornlinder, Scandahoovia


Dear Ulf,

I've decided that using the website in order to comment on political matters might not be the wisest move at this juncture in my career. Two years ago a grad student friend was followed home from an anti-Thaksin rally by Thai police, who briefly questioned him as to his purpose in Thailand. I'd prefer that the authorities here not become too interested in me. I still have nightmares about being 'interrogated' by UW campus police for writing those leaflets supporting traditional marriage. Aside from that, I think you'll be perfectly safe here in Thailand.


301nights,

Congratulations on passing the 2500 hit marker. I wonder, how many of those were the result of you checking your own website?

Princess Poindexter
Roseville, CA

I would guess...at least 2000.