Those of you who have your own blog know the joy of google analytics. The program allows you to track hits to your website and determine their location of origin. At 301NIB this information is very useful for following user trends. For example, last year a large percentage of our traffic came from Hawaii. But in the last few months, Utah has climbed into the number one user spot. This information helps our staff coordinate revenue projections and marketing campaigns.
Since its inception in 2006, 301NIB has quickly become a worldwide phenomenon. We consistently have visits from around the world, all ten Canadian provinces, and every state in the union...except one.
Vermont.
I confess I'm at a loss to explain this inattention, since I know very little about Vermont. Do I need to feature more content about Lake Champlain? Is it because there are less than one hundred thousand people living there? Or because they spend so much time outdoors? Do people there not have computers? And what do you call those people? Vermontites? Vermonters? Vermonties? Yeah, I like that last one...
Perhaps I'm obsessing a bit here, but I won't rest until I get a single hit from Vermont. That single white space on my analytics map needs to be shaded light green. So, this week I decided to call up the Green Mountain State to discover the source of the problem. The conversation didn't go as well as I'd hoped:
Vermont: Hello?
301NIB: So what's the deal, Vermont? You haven't checked out the blog.
Vermont: The what?
301NIB: Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. What - you think you're better than me, Vermont? Is that it?
Vermont: Who is this?
301NIB: You think just because you're the outdoor playground of the Northeast that makes you so great? Look, I may not be able to afford to vacation on your ski slopes or stay at your many bed-and-breakfasts, but I...uh...well, I forgot where I was going with this...
Vermont: (long pause) How did you get this number?
301NIB: Don't wory about it.
Vermont: (click)
So telephone contact didn't produce the intended results, but I'm confident Vermonties will give me another chance. And why shouldn't they? I've forgiven them for letting Howard Dean loose back in 2004. But I realized I needed to change tactics.
Here's the deal, Vermonties. In return for a hit from your state, I'm willing to make the following concessions:
1) I will agree to mention Vermont in no less than three posts during the 2009 calendar year.
2) I will purchase genuine Vermont maple syrup the next time we make pancakes for Meg.
3) I'll order a Vermont Teddy Bear as a Christmas present (and not return it).
This is a no-brainer, Vermonties. All you have to do in return is type in a website address, you don't even have to read the content. Face it, during this extended economic downturn it would be irresponsible for you not to accept my offer. The advertising power of 301NIB could increase your state revenues 15-20% over the next fiscal quarter alone.
You have my offer, Vermont. The ball's in your court. I'll be checking google analytics every hour, waiting for your response.
4 comments:
OK, I'm a 28+ year Vermont resident who just came across your post thanks to a Google Alert. So a Google product (Analytics) led you to your "Vermont-less" revelation, and another Google product (Alert), led a Vermonter to you.
On behalf of the Green Mountain State, I'd like to thank you in advance for your purchase of pure, wonderful Vermont Maple Syrup, a cute 'n' cuddly Vermont Teddy Bear, and most precious of all, mentions of our glorious state in no fewer than three (3) upcoming posts in 2009. We'll be watchin'.
BTW, we're Vermonters. Vermonties is probably what we'd be called if we merged with Quebec, always a risk. [:-)]
Since you're admitting to analyzing your fans, I'll admit to stalking your blog. Some of those Georgia hits are me.
My husband interviewed in Laie in June, and so I found 301NIB. Our kids are 8,5,1. I think your writing is hilarious in an intelligent sort of way. My favorite posts: the car ad, the candy necklaces at Laie Elementary, the moving van, the seals.
If only I could write a legit and funny mail bag entry...
Now you'll probably go private, to get rid of all your stalkers! But thanks for all the laughs.
Thank you, nato - for making my dream of an all-green simulated US map come true. Long may the Vermont country store prosper.
301NIB doesn't run from blog stalkers, we embrace them like a newly unwrapped pine scented air-freshner. It's true that we did have to get a restraining order once in the past. That person now has to stay at least two hundred websites away from 301NIB at all times
I hear there is a kerfuffle abrewing in the northern hinterland. As always, we SAHMs turn to 301 NIB for any political updates/explainations. Now that your Vermont neglect has been fulfilled may we please ask for the concise, witty and plainly explained post on the situation of Canadian politics. We missed the news blurb on NPR while in the grocery store Saturday morning and while we're awake and on the internet at 4am it's just too much work to Google the subject and read lengthy news articles for ourselved.
Merry Christmas!
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