JAKE STRATE: REFLECTIONS OF A GUZZLEGUT

In part two of our Strate family expose, we caught up with the firstborn - Jakob Strate. Fresh off his triumph at the 2006 Pinewood Derby rally (shown left holding his 'Coolest Car design' trophy) he now prepares for a journey to Asia's 'City of Angels'. Here is the Red Menace at his most introspective - musing about life, love, and the Bengals.


301: We interviewed your sister here last week. I wonder, what question would you most like to ask her?


JAKE: Oh great, we can't even get through one question without bringing up Meg. That kid couldn't be any more sickly sweet if she was dipped in chocolate, which - by the way - she's tried to pull off several times.

301: Well...she does have a music video that's quite popular...

JAKE: You call that a music video? I had a much better routine of an out-of-control firecracker that I used to do. Of course, once I added on the bit about the firecracker flying into my pants it got a tad racy and Nickelodeon refused to air it. I should be accepting the Kid's Choice award right now.

301: Many of our subscribers want to know how your preparing yourself for Thailand?

JAKE: I've stockpiled an assortment of videogames - both for gameboy and gamecube. My parents tell me soccer is quite popular over there, but when we get there I won't know a single kid other than Meg. I guess she could be a goalpost....

301: You're the product of a California mother and a Canadian father. What's it been like growing up as a Canadian-American minority in a society where immigration is suddenly such a hot-button topic?

JAKE: Gimme a break here. What...am I on Oprah now?

301: The tabloids have recently photographed you wearing a Bengals jersey. How long have you been a fan?

JAKE: Ever since I realized that a Bengal was actually a tiger. And that their colors were black and orange.

301: So what are your favorite moments in Bengals history?

JAKE: Well, my only real memory is Carson Palmer getting injured against the Steelers. I hate the Steelers.

301: What about music? Any favorite bands?

JAKE: All-American Rejects. Toby Keith. Oh, and anything by Jazzhands. He's going to revolutionize the way Americans think about showtunes.

301: Why don't you explain the origins of your nickname to us? What exactly is a 'guzzlegut'?

JAKE: It has to do with one's ability to finish someone else's beverage while they're not looking. My father was one - and this father before hime. I guess it's kind of a family legacy.