Planes, Taxis, And The Airport That Wasn't

Sing in me, O muse...

Those of you who have been enrapt in our travel cliffhanger, unable to move from the screen and constantly hitting 'refresh' in the hopes of catching an update....you will indeed be glad to learn that we did get out of the Sacramento airport to San Francisco. Kaddi was off buying some lunch, I had the laptop out with the webcame set up, and I'm not sure we even knew where Jake was - when they announced the plane was leaving in about 5 minutes. In the ensuing panic, one of the bags was left behind. There are a number of theories about how this happened. Kaddi assures me it was my fault, but I can't be sure. Due to the 45 minute cavity search I endured as we were passing through security, I've blocked out most of what happened during that period. Fortunately, the bag contained items belonging to me - my church shoes and several books essential to my research here in Thailand - nothing we can't do without. Heaven forbid we should forget the carryon with Kaddi's special foam pillow in it.

After this rather inauspicious beginning, the entire trip became something of a blur. Because we were late getting out of Sacramento we had to literally sprint (with heavy backpacks on) through the entire San Francisco airport in order to make our connection to Tokyo. As we passed down the tunnel and onto the plane one of the stewards said 'Bow am I glad you guys arrived in time - we would have had to pay for a hotel and had you leave tomorrow.' It was a shame I had left my aluminum baseball bat in the carryon bag back in Saramento.

In return for our marathon running and sweating and threatening the children with Broke-Down Palace stories about Thai prisons, we were rewardedith a ten hour flight to Tokyo while seated in a four adjacent egg-carton-like seats. However, we caught a small break when the stewardess took pity on us, probably because of our children, and upgraded us to Economy-PLUS! Oh, the wonders that awaited us as we moved up several rows - an extra 16 inches of leg room. This flight had tv screens built into the back of the chair in front of you, and the kids wiled away the time watching movies, listening to music, playing their gameboys, or sleeping stretched out with their arms in one person's face and their feet in anothers. At one point Jake leaned over and said "Dad, this is the coolest plane I've ever been on." How does one so young become such a discriminating consumer?

My memory of the Tokyo airport is not the greatest. We had just enough time to walk to our connecting terminal, use the bathroom, and purchase a 1000 yen toothpaste-toothbrush set before our plane to Bangkok started boarding. By that time We were are exhausted and starting to crash. The ensuing six hour flight (where we did NOT get upgraded to economy plus and the seat did not have built in tv monitors) finished off the remaining vestiges of excitement we had about new places and experiences.

But the crowning moment of our Odyssey was the sudden surprise waiting for us once we reached Bangkok. As we are disembarking the plane, I hear the stewardess saying "Welcome to Suwannapot International airport in Bangkok." And I think "Hmmm...the airport was called Don Muang when I was a missionary here - they must have recently renamed it. Good for them." (Oh, travel Gods - why do you hate me so!!!) When struggled through the maelstrom of arriving in a new country. Getting through customs, finding you bags, looking for a cart and noticing that every other single person seems to have one - and yet there place of origin is a complete mystery - you have to be a member of the very exclusive cart club to get one. After getting our bags onto two carts and transporting them down to the level where public taxes congregate, we line up for our special privilege of hiring a taxi. At 1 AM there were four lanes of taxis jostling their way past the exit door. We attempted to hold out for a van big enough for us to take all of our luggage and us together, but soon realized it would be in vain. At last, we decided to take two separate vehicles, but because of the traffic congestion - neither of them could pull over to the curb, they just parked in the middle lanes while we ferried out our 37 pieces of luggage like contestants in some reality adaptation of 'Frogger'. After loading up everything and making sure KAddi knew where we were headed, we were off to our hotel. The worst it seemed, was over.

At his point my biggest concern was how long would be in the taxi, and envisioning the nightmare scenario that Meg and I would end up somewhere, and Kaddi and JAke (in the taxi behind us) would end up somewhere else. So, I decided to confer with my coachman about the exact route we would take to the hotel. When I asked him how long it would take to get from the airport to the Asia airport hotel, he replied " It will take at least an hour - we're about 60-70 kilometers away." At first I thought he must be trying to fleece us - taxi drivers are not renowned for their moral convictions. Besides, I had specifically selected the Asia airport hotel because the website said it was around the corner from the airport. Once again, my keen mind and superior grasp of the language had allowed me to triumph over mine enemies. I politely informed the man that I knew he was bluffing and that the Asia airport hotel was only 3 km away from Don Muang airport.

If I were to look back on my life, I could probably find many instances in which I felt and looked truly foolish in the eyes of others. But I can assure you that when I looked into the bewildered and truly amused face of my taxi driver, and heard his reply - that this wasn't Don Muang airport at all, that it hadn't been renamed, and that instead of being 20 kilometers north of the city we were in fact 30 km EAST of the city, and that if I wanted to drive up to the Don Muang area it was going to be 70-80 km drive - it was then that I realized I had set forth an new standard in the history of ineptitude.

For the past several years, unbeknownst to a certain graduate student who claims to be an expert on Thailand, Bangkok had been building a new international airport as part of the 60th anniversary celebration of the King's reign. Its inaugural day was the very day we arrived in Thailand!!! How is it possible that someone could spend days, weeks, months, planning for this trip and be ignorant of this fact?!! Truly, this is a remarkable achievement that seems guaranteed to outlive any scholarship that might result from this adventure.

And so concludes my travelogue. If I can manage to avoid diaster for two days in a row, and if I can find a WIFI spot to connect with my laptop, I will attempt to upload the pictures taken during said trip. But for now, content yourselves with the opportunity to revel in the humiliation and debasement that is a day in the life...