Let me go check with my manager...

Part of the fun of having my parents around is negotiating the prices for everything they want to purchase, or see, or do. They enjoy both the spectacle of watching me haggle with some vendor and feeling like they got a good price.

So, when we decided we wanted to go elephant trekking down in Phuket, it was up to me to find a travel place that could make the necessary arrangements. The travel desk in the hotel is reliable, but more expensive, so I walked out of the hotel and down the street to find a cheaper, slightly less predictable, establishment. There were at least two or three travel brokers on the little road leading to the Kamala Bay Gardens hotel, each with uniquely misspelled English names. My favorite was "Assome Travel," which I can only assume was mean to read 'Awesome Travel' (Or perhaps they just cater to Phuket's red-light district clientele).

I sat down on the faded-blue vinyl couch and began explaining exactly what I wanted: a short 30-minute tour through the jungle that would begin at precisely 8:30 the next morning. We had only one day left and we wanted to spend most of it at the beach, besides which we didn't want to be strapped to the back of an elephant under the mid-day Phuket sun. I already had a pamphlet from another establishment and suggested they arrange for us to go there, since I knew it was close to the hotel.
As soon as I was finished the performance began. These two travel 'agents' immediately began diverting me away from the place I wanted to go towards another place they recommended. The new place, they said, was much prettier, had much better jungle scenery complete with exotic flowers and animals, and was cheaper than the place I originally wanted to go. I could get an hour trek for about the same price as a half hour would cost me at the first place. I realized that they must get some type of referral fee for steering tourists towards this elephant trek establishment, but I had my doubts about the first place anyway. (How interesting could the jungle be if it was right off the main highway?) So, I threw in my lot with these two, we agreed on a price on 3800 baht, and after stressing that our trek had to take place tomorrow at 8:30 AM, I returned back to the hotel to discuss it with everyone else and get the money.

I returned to the office twenty minutes later, money in hand, to purchase my tickets. When I sat down they informed me that our arrangement had changed, I was booked for 10:30 AM instead of 8:30 AM. I responded that this wasn't acceptable. We wanted to spend the day on the beach, and were only interested in an elephant trek if it fit in our schedule. This met with some head-scratching and concerned looks. Alright, they said, we could go at 8:30 AM, but it would have to be at the location I originally suggested (the ugly one), and it would only be a half hour, and it would cost 4400 baht instead of 3800 baht.

Now, I'm used to dealing with the brazen antics of Thai snake-oil salesman, but this was amazingly bold even for them. I asked to explain why I would pay more money to spend less time visiting a less attractive site? They didn't have a good answer for this and so the price began going down. We finally agreed on a price of 3200 baht, which I felt was fair since it was 600 baht less than our original bargain, and 1200 baht less than what they wanted me to pay. I walked back to the hotel confident in the knowledge that I was not just another schmuck tourist who paid 'retail' for tour packages. Who did these guys think they were dealing with, trying to get 4400 baht out of me?

The next morning our mini-bus picked us up at the hotel and transported us to the elephant trek location. As soon as we arrived the 'tour guide' immediately steered us toward a bulletin board that listed the tour schedules. He explained that we should upgrade from a half hour to 45 minutes or an hour, since that would give us a much better chance of seeing the lush vegetation that the Phuket jungle had to offer. Apparently the sight of elephant walking out in the field and eating sugar cane captivated our party, because those who had previously only been interested in a half hour where now eager to upgrade for more time. The guide wanted 1200 baht to upgrade to 45 minutes, but we settled on one thousand (bringing the new package total to 4200 baht.) Having settled this, we set off on our excursion.

The pictures make it look far more exotic than the actual reality. Although some spots were quite picturesque, the overal tour had the feeling of wandering around someone's swampy backyard. I also began to think that the difference between the half hour tour and the 45 minute tour was that the elephants just took longer bathroom breaks. But, we were still in Phuket and trekking around on elephants, so who can complain?

When we returned to point of orgins and disembarked from the elephants, we saw that the staff had laid out pineapples for us to feed to the elephants. It was a nice way to end the tour, and the kids enjoyed watching the elephants use their trunks snatch pieces of pineapples out of their hands. Only after the fruit was all eaten up did the guide inform us that the 50 baht worth of pineapple they had laid out was now going to cost us 200 baht. It was such blatant exploitation and they did it so effortlessly that, as a former car salesman, I had to admire them.

So, once again....the negotiated tour price of 3200 baht + 1000 baht upgrade + 200 pineapple = 4400 baht. Somehow these travel office charlatans had managed to extract the exact amount they had wanted from the beginning.

As we rode back in the mini-bus, gone was my smug confidence in my street-smarts and negotiating ability. Instead, I felt like I had just paid full MSRP for a brand new KIA.

Skype-out!