As a Canadian-American I have for years struggled with my minority identity as I see my beloved native country made the punchline of jokes in movies, television, and print media. As a country dedicated to solid values like multi-culturalism, international peace, and legalized-prostitution, we are often overlooked in world system based on economic power and military might. Well, that's all about to change now that the loonie has reached par with the greenback. Canadians are getting ready to flex their new economic muscle, soon we will be the masters of the North America trade system, and eventually the world. Those of you who have pushed Canada around for the past...well, since it has existed, really...better start looking over your shoulders. You're about to get a hockey glove right in the grill.
Many of you Americans probably have many questions right now. What about me? Is my job safe? Will I have a place in the new order? Most of you needn't worry. When I take my rightful place as Prefect in the Canadian Empire, I will be sure to provide employment positions for all my former associates. Preference will be given to those with landscaping ability, but anyone with experience in construction, fruit extraction, or the fast-food industry will also have a place.
Please take my advice and embrace the emerging regime instead of clinging to the old ways. I don't want my first year of governance marred by any unpleasantness.
Welcome to the year zero.
6 comments:
Doug says:
The loonie? How can one resist making that the punchline of a joke? Here we say "fifty bucks." "Fifty loonies" is just a set up for harassment.
I'll have you know the Loon is one of the most noble and graceful creatures in the bird kingdom. Why do you think 'On Golden Pond' won all those Oscars? Katherine Hepburn? Please...it was the haunting call of the Loon.
You just topped my list of people to be 're-settled.'
Smug.
Of course, the term 'loonie' is only stated in reference to the one dollar coin and since no one would ever fork out fifty one dollar coins, let alone carry them at one time, the phrase 'fifty bucks' is still common usage in Canada - referring to any combination of 5, 10, 20 and 50 dollar bills that make up said fifty bucks.
We don't walk around with pirate-like money bags and slap them down on the counter when someone asks how we will be paying for our khakis.
Arrrrr....that be the truth.
Black Pearl? What are you, some kind of Pirates freak?
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