Out of all our family, I think Jake might be having the most difficult time making the transition here in Hawaii. I have my teaching, research, and life within an academic community. Kaddi is so happy not to be in Thailand that she could make due living in Lovelock, Nevada (temporarily). And Meg...well, we all know that she is the sun around which the rest of us revolve.
But in many ways Jake has got the shaft. We arrived too late for him to be enrolled in soccer. He's been lectured by people here in the projects for riding his skateboard on the sidewalks. And since he's in fifth grade this year he's old enough to learn why Hawaiian schools have a reputation for bullying white-kids. He comes home and tells us about how the large Polynesian girls have yelled mean things at him or shoved him in the lunch line. What can you do about that? What boy wants to be known as the kid who complained to the teacher because the girls were too rough on him?
Then today Jake mentioned a boy who goes out of his way to insult him whenever possible. I've no doubt it's one of these dumpy kids with brush cuts who spend their afternoon shoveling Spam into their pieholes while watching Nickelodeon. Anyway, yesterday Spam-Spam the future offensive lineman sat down next to Jake at lunch and said:
"You're ugly."
The fact that such a pedestrian insult could still make poor Jakey feel bad about himself told us that...1) He'd never lived in the projects before....and 2) We needed to toughen him up a bit. Bless his sensitive little heart, he just can't understand why the Polynesian kids would be so mean to him. So, after we got back from Family Home Evening at the beach we sent Meg to bed, then Jake, Kaddi and I sat around brainstorming potential come-backs for this incredibly lame putdown.
So the next time someone says "You're ugly," we've instructed Jake to respond with:
1) Hmmm...which of the other boys do you think is hot?
2) That's a relief. The way you're staring I thought you were going to ask me out.
3) Well, apparently I'm good looking enough to date your mom.
4) Are you talking or did you just fart? I get your face confused with your butt.
We realize that this may not be the most Christ-like way to respond to a bully, but at least it's non-violent. Hopefully, this will work. Next family home evening we may have to teach him how to make a shiv out of his protractor.
3 comments:
That was a hoot.
Those are some great comebacks.
Sounds like you've had practice.
Wait, wait, I'm having a flashback...I see Jared...Shane...a conversation that sounds like two 9 year olds who don't know that the rest of the world could possibly tune into their conversation...and now I hear nothing because I'm actually plugging my ears.
Ah, yes. I believe I met Spam-Spam's father when I started 6th grade at Laie Elementary in 1979.
Once I finally understood the local slang well enough to figure out he was asking if I had taken a dump yet, I explained that I had, and he was the proof.
He ran at me, but instead of the bodily harm I expected he just kicked the tires on my bike. We eventually became reasonably cordial acquaintances.
Some kids were instantly friendly, some took some time to come around, and some still demonstrated animosity at our 20-year Kahuku reunion.
One thing is for sure - Laie offers a very different perspective on social interaction. In the end, I think the experience did me more good than harm.
Hang in there, Jake!
Jake's learning there's a big difference between grade five and grade three (because he was homeschooled while we were in Thailand). In grade five kids are more inclined to look for kids who're different and make fun of them. And no one stands out here like Jake does.
I went through something very similar when I was a kid because I was different. Young Mack Strate really stood out because I was the only one in the school with the dope rhymes. It was hard dealing with the jealousy of all the sucka MC's.
But I got through it, and so will Jake
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